


i wanna get back to san francisco

by choose_your_emotions



Series: Adventures with the PolyIdiots™ [1]
Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: (can this be considered pre-canon if it's my fic?), (it's accidental and corrected), (why have i never tagged that before???), Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Asexuality Spectrum, Communication, Dirty Talk, First Meetings, Frottage, Hair-pulling, LGBTQ Character, Lesbian Character, Light Dom/sub, Meet-Cute, Mild Language, Mild Sexual Content, Misgendering, Multi, Nonbinary Character, Prequel, Rock Out With Your Socks Out Tour, San Francisco Bay Area, Song: San Francisco (5 Seconds of Summer), Songfic, kind of a songfic but also not, sooooooo
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-22
Updated: 2021-02-24
Packaged: 2021-03-11 23:35:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 9,865
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29625747
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/choose_your_emotions/pseuds/choose_your_emotions
Summary: “Are you like, really forgetful, or just stupid?”Calum blinks at her, not knowing if it was a joke or if he should feel offended.“Oh, that was a joke, by the way,” The girl replies awkwardly. “I mean, I guess I could determine you’re kind of forgetful, but it’d just be rude to say that-”“No, I am kinda stupid, you’re fine."ORCalum meets a beautiful stranger in San Francisco on the ROWYSO tour. It may or may not go horribly, horribly wrong from there.
Relationships: Calum Hood & Original Character(s), Michael Clifford & Luke Hemmings & Calum Hood & Ashton Irwin
Series: Adventures with the PolyIdiots™ [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2172429
Comments: 5
Kudos: 4





	1. 21 July, 2015

**Author's Note:**

> (i still laugh at the fact that i label this "canon divergence" because theres no "canon" to diverge from i am literally changing real life events)
> 
> I tripped and wrote 5.5k of these two idiots meeting and being in love. Evidently, I got carried away so there's gonna be more. This will basically be fluff leading up to them getting together. I have no idea when that will be, so let's see how long this gets lmao

_ Fuck. Fuck, fuck fuck, fuck, fuck. _

Of course, Calum had decided that today would be the best day to traipse off on his own, which inevitably meant he'd get lost.

They were performing in Concord that night, and he'd taken the BART to San Francisco to do some touristy stuff, and he got lost looking for the BART again.

He just needs a fucking  _ drink _ .

He thankfully stumbles upon a little bar- probably something selling all-vegan organic beer or some shit because, y'know, San Francisco- and darts inside.

It was sparsely populated, and the bartender raises an eyebrow at him as he walks to the bar.

"Just a whisky," Calum says, putting on his most charming smile.

"ID, please?" The bartender was gruff.

Calum pulls out his ID- he had nothing to worry about; he was 19.

"Nice try, kid," The bartender snorts. "Haliey?"

Calum blinks. "Goddammit."

_ America has a higher drinking age. Fuck, I'm gonna get arrested. _

A woman stalks over, grabbing him by the collar of his cutoff shirt and dragging him outside. "Come back in a couple years, pretty boy."

"Y'know, America is the  _ only  _ place that has such a high drinking age?" Calum asks rhetorically, trying for smug and ultimately failing. Hailey looks pissed. He immediately tries to backtrack. "I've been traveling, I forgot-"

"Tough luck," Hailey grumbles, forcefully pushing him outside and closing the door.

"Goddammit," Calum groans again.

"You a'right, sir?" A heavily accented voice asks from a little ways away. 

The accent was jarring to hear, considering he'd heard that accent way more frequently when they played in Nashville with One Direction than in  _ California _ .

He looks up, and a girl is standing across from him. Her hair is mostly tucked into a beanie, though he can see chocolate brown peeking out from where the beanie had been artfully pushed back to lay on the crown of her head.

He looks at her, and the first thing he blurts is- "Aren't you hot?"

The girl blinks at him. "Huh?"

Calum cringes at himself. "You're wearing a beanie and a giant t-shirt," he replies. "I'm sweating in this tank top. I can't imagine how overheated you must be."

The girl snickers. "I'm used to it," She replies. "It got warmer where I'm from, so it's honestly kinda cold."

Calum chuckles- he definitely understands that.

"So…" The girl rocks back on her heels and forwards onto the balls of her feet. "Did you really forget the legal drinkin' age in America?"

Calum sighs. "Unfortunately, yes."

"Are you like, really forgetful, or just stupid?"

Calum blinks at her, not knowing if it was a joke or if he should feel offended. 

"Oh, that was a joke, by the way," The girl replies awkwardly. "I mean, I guess I could determine you're kind of forgetful, but it'd just be rude to say that-"

"No, I am kinda stupid; you're fine," Calum says, smiling despite himself.

The girl smiles.

"I should probably get going," Calum groans, standing up.

"I, um-" The girl scratches at her arm. "If you really want to get some alcohol, I know someone?"

Calum blinks.

"Well, I met some folks because we all go to UC Berkeley, and they had a friend who graduated this past year, so they could get you alcohol?" The girl rambles out. "I mean, I am a stranger, so you don't have to-"

"Honestly, I'm not sure about the whole getting alcohol from your friend," Calum chuckles. "But you sound like you know the area a lot better than me."

"Maybe not a lot, but it 'spose it's possible."

"Would you be able to guide me to the nearest BART station so I can get back to Concord?"

The girl grins. "Of course."

With that, she heads off, gesturing for him to follow.

"I'm, um, Ryan, by the way," the girl says as they walk.

"I'm Calum."

"That's a nice name," Ryan says. 

Calum blinks. "I mean, I guess?"

"Sorry, I just like to compliment people on their names," Ryan chuckles. "It's always better if you like your name, right? 'S why I changed mine, at least."

_ Not a girl??? _ , his brain screeches.  _ Boy??? _

"Ryan's a nice name, too," Calum replies. "Gender-neutral names are always fun."

"That, my friend, is exactly why I picked it," Ryan replies with a grin.

_ Neither boy nor girl??? _

Jesus, he's kinda confused. A good kind of confused, possibly, he's not too sure yet.

Ryan leads him to the BART station accurately. He thanks them (?) profusely, and they blush in turn.

"The yellow line will take you all the way to Concord," Ryan explains as they stand at the map. "The red line goes to Downtown Berkeley, which is where I need to be. There's a few stops where the red and yellow lines intersect, so you could take the red or yellow line. Either way, you'll end up on the yellow line."

Calum hums. "I dunno… I'm reconsidering your offer."

"I thought you needed to get back to Concord?"

"Not for-" He checks his phone. "Four hours."

"Oh," Ryan murmurs. "Then we can take the red to my friend's house, and I'll escort you back so you can get the right ticket."

Calum grins.

The two of them spend the entire train trip talking.

Calum learns that Ryan does, in fact, use they and them pronouns, and he apologizes profusely for considering them a girl in his head.

"'S fine, Cal," they reply. "I'm used to it."

_ You shouldn't be, _ he thinks bitterly.

He also learns that Ryan is on a full-ride scholarship to UC Berkeley, and they were planning on studying Sociology (which "is not psychology, Calum!")  _ and  _ Music. They were originally from Tennessee (explaining the accent). They missed their siblings greatly and especially missed the food.

" _ Fried okra _ ?" he asked incredulously.

"It is the most delicious thing,  _ ever _ , Calum, don't you dare dishonor fried okra!"

The trip continues like that, with the both of them sharing random facts about themselves, and once they arrive at Downton Berkeley, Calum has realized a thrilling fact- Ryan has no idea he's in a mildly famous band.

It's weird to think of him and the boys as any modicum of famous, but he supposes it's the only way to accurately depict why they sometimes get mobbed by random girls walking down the street.

Ryan is blissfully unaware of Calum's B-List-Celebrity status, and Calum has never been more thankful for someone not knowing who he was.

He hasn't gotten the chance to just hang out with a new person in a while after they toured with One Direction, and it's gotten worse since they embarked on the  _ Rock Out With Your Socks Out  _ tour.

Ryan is a breath of fresh air- in more ways than one.

They're babbling about the courses they're planning on taking as an incoming freshman, how their birthday is in a week ("Patch looked almost offended when they realized I was a Leo. I just said, ‘My name is Ryan?’”), and how thankful they are for their friends Ellie and Haz.

"They were my online friends first," Ryan explains as they walk. "They encouraged me to apply to Berkeley, even when I thought the furthest I was ever gonna get from home was, like, Dallas. Then they introduced me to Patch, and somethin' just, like, clicked when I met them. They looked exactly how I wanted to, used the pronouns I did. And then they let me live with them when my full-ride wouldn't cover dorms."

"Isn't a full ride supposed to cover all your expenses?" Calum asked.

"That's what I thought," Ryan snorts. "But "all expenses" just means basic tuition and fees."

Calum scoffs. "Bullshit."

"Exactly what Patch said."

They walk a bit farther, and soon they're on the doorstep of Ryan and the mysterious Patch's apartment-condo-thing.

"Patch's parents are rich as fuck," Ryan snickers as they unlock the door. "They completely own this buildin', and they can afford me livin' here rent-free."

Ryan leads Calum inside. They peel their converse off their feet, so Calum kicks off his thongs, too.

"Patch!" Ryan shouts. "I'm home! We got company!"

A squeal can be heard, and a person comes barreling down the stairs.

"Ooo,  _ hello _ ," A person he presumes is Patch, says as they wiggle their eyebrows.

Ryan groans, smacking Patch's shoulder. "Back off, Patch, he's a friend."

Patch sniffs, wiping a fake tear away. "My baby, all grown up and making  _ friends  _ in person!"

Ryan groans. "Ugh, ignore them, Calum."

Calum snorts. "My best mate Michael does the same thing to me; I'm used to it."

"Oh, he's  _ British _ !" Patch exclaims excitedly.

"Australian," Calum and Ryan correct at the same time.

Patch waves a hand. "Whatever, the accent is cute either way. Is there a reason you brought him over, Ry, or do I need to clear out for a few hours?"

Patch winks as Ryan sputters. Calum feels himself blushing.

"Patch!" They hiss. "I just met him, calm down!"

"Kidding, kidding," Patch hums. "But really, why did you bring pretty boy here?"

"He got thrown out of a bar because he forgot what the legal drinkin' age in America was," Ryan replies as they dart into the kitchen. "Thought you'd be able to hook him up with somethin' nice rather than whatever vegan-organic-grass-fed bullshit they sell at bars in San Francisco."

Patch snorts. "What's the legal drinking age in Australia?"

"18," Calum huffs. "It's that nearly everywhere else I've been."

"And how old are you?"

"19."

Patch hums then shrugs. "Alright."

"Really?"

"Really?!" Ryan shouts, poking their head out of the kitchen. "I've used that argument every time I try to get you to let me drink!"

Patch makes a weird face at Ryan but smoothly glides over to them. "Well, the difference is, darling, Calum is  _ from  _ a country with a drinking age of 18," They tap Ryan's nose, "you are not."

Ryan pouts cutely. "Ugh, you're no fun."

"Oh, I'm plenty of fun, babe!" Patch waves him forward. "C'mon, Calum, I'll get you something stiff."

"Something stiff" turns out to be  _ expensive top-shelf _ whisky, apparently provided by their rich (and seemingly absent) parents.

He knocks it back with a smooth precision, and the other two gape at him.

"What?"

"How long have you been drinking?" Patch asks, bewildered.

"As in, today, or in general?"

"Okay, if you have to ask that, I really don't want to know," Patch shook their head. "That was the smoothest I have ever seen someone down a  _ whisky _ shot."

Calum shrugs. "It's better than vodka." He scrunches his nose. "Or tequila."

"I mean, if this was a true college experience, that's all I would have," Patch snorts, pouring a shot for themself and putting the bottle back in a cabinet.

"My friend Luke  _ loves  _ tequila for some unforsaken reason," Calum huffs. "And our other friend Ash loves vodka."

"What about Michael?" Ryan asks. "You mentioned him earlier."

"Michael hates shots," Calum replies. "He'd rather a beer, but he'll admit that he likes margaritas if you get him drunk enough."

Ryan snickers.

"The wonders of fragile masculinity," Patch muses before downing their whisky.

Calum laughs.

"Oh, Ryan, dear, when are you planning on getting ready?"

Ryan groans.

"Get ready for what?" Calum asks. 

"Patch's girlfriend is dragging us to a concert in Concord tonight," Ryan huffs. "I am not dressing up for that edgy boy band, Patch."

Patch snickers. "Don't let Mara hear you say that."

Calum feels his stomach sink. "Um… what band is it?"

"I think they're called, like 5 S-oh-S or somethin' like that," Ryan replies.

"Oh, weird," Calum says. "I, um… I'm part of their stage crew."

"Are they as squeaky-sounding live as they are in the recordings?" Ryan huffs. 

"Depends, I guess," Calum says, shifting uncomfortably but not willing to give up his anonymity. "What songs have you listened to?"

"I think Kenzie showed me their first EP," Ryan replies. "It was kinda shitty. Except for the voice that Mara says was the bassist's."

Calum puffs his chest out a bit. "Their actual album is a lot better. Trust me, w- they're not half bad live."

"Guess I'll be seeing for myself, then."

Calum nods a little awkwardly and glances over at Patch. Their expression is amused, but they clearly know who he is. He gulps and smiles tightly.

"You look a little skinny for stage crew," Patch comments.

"I'm bigger than I look," is his knee-jerk response. "But I, uh, work in lights. Not a lot of heavy lifting, just flicking a bunch of switches."

Patch smirks at his near slip, then turns to Ryan. "Come along, darling, time to emo you up!"

Ryan groans but allows Patch to lead them upstairs.

"Just stay in the kitchen, Calum!" Patch calls as they traipse up the stairs. "We may need your expertise!"

His "expertise" seems to be unneeded because Ryan looks  _ good _ . They're clad in an oversized cutoff tee, with armholes that reveal a tight black tank top below it. Their jeans are a type of ripped that  _ Mikey  _ would be impressed by, but their skin underneath is covered by various fabric patches. 

Most surprisingly, their hair falls in chocolate brown waves to their shoulders, pinned in place by a teal bandana.

"These shoes are so clunky," Ryan grouses as they trudge around in (most likely) borrowed doc martens. "Aren't these supposed to be work shoes, Patch? Why are they so fuckin' shiny?"

"It's for the aesthetic, Ryan!" Patch squawks, wearing a dress that frays at the bottom and an oversized denim jacket over it. They're carrying a small pouch.

"Calum," they demand. "I need to know. Do people wear eyeliner to their shows?"

"I mean, Mi- the guitarist does. A lot of the fans do, too," He replies.

"I told you!"

"I'm not wearing eyeliner, Patch!"

Calum smiles at their antics.

"Hey, Calum," Ryan says, turning around. "Do you want to catch that train back to Concord now? Because we're gonna go pick up Mara soon, you'd leave from the same place we picked her up."

Calum blinks.  _ This might complicate some things.  _ "Sure!" He says brightly.

Ryan grins. "Awesome. I'm gonna get my beanie."

They ride the red line to the MacArthur stop, where the orange, yellow, and red lines all intersect.

"Alright, the yellow line will be arriving in ten minutes; the orange line will arrive in twelve," Patch says as they survey the lobby. "You two go to the yellow. I'll meet Mara at the orange. Meet us back here, Ryan."

With that, the three depart.

"So, if you don't mind me asking," Calum says once he and Ryan claim a bench. "Why the beanie?"

"Well, my hair is clearly… not short. I want it to be short, but I haven't gotten the chance- or the money- to get a haircut yet," Ryan replies. "So I just tuck it into the beanie, and bada-bing, bada-boom."

Calum giggles. "Patch hasn't forced you to let them pay for it?"

"No, I…" Ryan sighs. "I want it to be  _ me _ reinventing  _ myself _ . And I know Patch would never force me to get my hair cut a specific way, but I just want it to feel like  _ I'm  _ controlling how I look, not someone else."

"I didn't mean to undermine that," Calum says after a beat.

"Oh, I know," Ryan replies. "It's not for lack of tryin' on Patch's part, you know."

Calum snickers.

The two of them are silent for a few beats.

"You know, I haven't had this much fun in a while," Calum admits.

"You tour with a  _ band _ , how was gettin' nagged by Patch and runnin' into  _ me  _ the most fun?" Ryan asks incredulously.

"You're the most genuine person I've met in a while, I think," Calum replies. "It's…  _ really _ nice."

Ryan's smile grows slowly. "Well, I'm glad you had fun, then."

"I swear this isn't a pickup line, but could I get your number?"

Ryan giggles. "Very forward."

"I'm serious! I really like talking to you, Ryan," Calum knows his voice sounds a bit pleading, but he doesn't care. If he never talks to Ryan again, he thinks he'll die.

"I like talkin' to you, too." Ryan hands him their phone with a soft smile. "Here, Patch made me let them buy a smartphone for me, and I still don't know how it works."

He quickly inputs his number as "Cal :3" and texts himself from Ryan's phone. "There."

Ryan snickers at his contact name, and he grins proudly. "Cute," Ryan says.

Calum feels his cheeks heat up.

"Train arriving," The intercom announces.

"I'll see you at the concert, then?" Calum asks.

"I'll be sure to wave at the light booth," Ryan replies, smiling.

Calum steps onto the train, feeling like his heart will beat out of his chest, and his brain is going to grow wings and fly off.

Ryan frowns at the latest text from Calum.

"What're you frowning at, bug?" Patch asks from where they're doing their eyeliner. Mara is occupied with shuffling through her entire closet.

"A text from Cal," Ryan replies. "He's askin' what names our tickets are under."

"That's the cute light crew boy, right?" Mara asks, only half paying attention.

"Yeah," Ryan replies. "Oh. He said he could get us some backstage passes."

Mara gasps, throwing down the clothes she's holding. "Ohmigod! Tell him, tell him!"

Patch smiles. "They're under Patch Morandi."

Ryan quickly shoots off that text and continues to help Patch and Mara get ready- consisting of telling Patch their makeup looks good and giving a thumbs up or down to random articles of clothing Mara holds up.

Calum texts them back a few minutes later.  _ Wud u b able to come early  _ and then  _ Like, to the concert  _ and then  _ for soundcheck lol _ .

"Cal got us spots for soundcheck," Ryan pipes up. "So y'all need to hurry up."

Mara gasps and squeals.

Surprisingly, they make good time, showing up to soundcheck on time because Mara somehow knew when it was even though she wasn't originally going.

Unfortunately, they got stuck in the back, the instruments on the stage looking like tiny toys from their view.

Even still, Mara was practically vibrating with excitement, squealing along with the other crazy fangirls in the crowd.

"Is this how it's gonna be the whole time?" Ryan grumbles. 

"Probably, yeah," Patch replies sympathetically. "If it ever gets too much, just let me know, I'll hang out with you in the lobby."

Ryan smiles in thanks. They were discovering many different things about themself- things their family had called weird "quirks"- that were due to some sort of mental health issue, and their sensitivity to loud, repetitive noises was one of them.

Patch had tried to get them to the doctor on their insurance, but Ryan refused.

Mara squeals as four boy-shaped blobs stroll on stage, each of them clad in tanks, shorts, and flip-flops. With that, they began playing.

To say Ryan was shocked was an understatement.

Calum was a  _ fucking  _ liar. They were  _ fantastic  _ live. Compared to their squeaky, half-formed voices on the EP Mara had shown them, the boys playing were entirely different people.

They found themself humming along to the songs, nodding their head as the crew scrambled around the moshpit- which Mara had told them it was called.

"Hey, Patch," Ryan shouts in their ear. "Can you see a light booth anywhere? I wanna try wavin' to Cal."

Patch snorts. "I have no clue. I mean, the whole crew's down there," they pointed to the floor. "You could just wave in that general direction."

Ryan huffs. "That's entirely counter-productive, Patch."

"It's not like he'd be able to see you, anyway."

Ryan huffs again but goes quiet as the band continues their soundcheck.

As it ended, a man's voice could be heard slightly. "You boys all good?"

The bassist stuck his thumb up while the other boys murmured an affirmative into their respective microphones.

Over the PA, a gruff voice instructed them to file down to the floor- a row at a time- and wait for the Q&A portion to begin.

The blonde boy at the front of the stage had sat down at the edge of the stage, along with the dark-haired guitarist. The drummer, who had his hair in a tight bun, stood behind them, snickering at the other two as they shoved each other. The bassist had seemingly fled. Shame. His singing voice was lovely, and Ryan was sure his talking voice would be equally as beautiful.

"Well, they're definitely teenage boys," Ryan snorts.

"You're a teenager, too, Ryan," Mara huffs. "They're closer to your age than mine, actually."

"They're still obviously teenage boys," Ryan laughs.

"Excuse me?" A man with a headset on stalks up to their row. "Are you the group under Patch Morandi?"

"Yes!" Mara squeaks.

The man hands them three laminated squares on lanyards. "These will be your backstage passes. You'll be able to meet the boys after the show-" He pauses, holding onto his headset. "Who?" He asks into his microphone. He nods. "Alright." He turns back to the three of them. "Is one of you Ryan?"

Ryan raises their hand nervously. 

The man smiles. "Calum was asking for you. I can guide you if you'd like."

Ryan smiles shyly. "Um, alright."

"Do we come with?" Mara asks. "I wanna meet the cute light boy."

Ryan scoffs. "Uh-uh. You can meet him later."

The man with the headset smiles again, looking a little mischievous. "Alright, follow me."

He leads Ryan down a series of pathways, twisting and turning until he reached a door that read "DRESSING ROOM."

"Um-" Ryan stutters. "Cal's in here?"

"Why wouldn't he be?" The man asks, still smiling. He knocks on the door. "Calum? You in here?"

A groan can be heard from the other side of the door. "Go  _ away _ , Zop!"

The man- Zop, apparently- laughs heartily. "I have someone here to see you."

A creak. "I told you, Zop-" The door opens. "I don't-"

On the other side of the door was Calum. A  very _ shirtless  _ Calum. He squeaks, his cheeks red as he shuts the door. A few beats later, and a slightly distant "Come in!" can be heard.

Ryan feels like they're going to combust.

Zop scoffs fondly (or they hope it is). "Boys." He opens the door, allowing Ryan in. Calum was lying face-first on an ugly green couch, thankfully with a shirt.

"Heard from Michael that you were whining about seeing someone, so I found them for you," Zop snarks, poking at Calum's shoe with a pen. "Say, 'Thank you, Zop.'"

"Thank you, Zop," Calum replies, muffled by the couch. 

"I'll leave you two to it. You've got half-an-hour 'til stage call."

Zop slides out of the door, closing it behind him.

"Um, hi?"

Calum pokes his head from out of the couch. "I'm sorry about the whole. Shirtless thing."

Ryan shrugs. "It's hot. You're a guy. Guys go shirtless when it's hot. No big deal, Cal."

Calum sits up entirely. "You can sit, y'know."

"Well, I can  _ now _ ," Ryan replies with a smirk, sitting down next to him. "You  _ were  _ just takin' up the whole couch earlier."

There's a pause.

"You're not light crew, are you."

Calum seems to shrink into himself. "I didn't lie to you, intentionally, I just- You were so  _ nice,  _ and you didn't know who I was, which was  _ really nice _ , and I didn't want you to think differently of me because I'm… pseudo-famous or whatever, and I-"

"Cal," Ryan says, stopping him. " _ Breathe _ ."

Calum takes a deep, dramatic inhale, holding it for seven seconds before breathing out.

"I'm not mad," Ryan replies. "But I am still a little confused."

"I, um. I'm the bassist?" Calum explains, awkwardly scratching at the back of his head. "In the band."

"Huh," Ryan says eloquently. "That's why he looked so familiar."

Calum laughs nervously. "So you're… really not mad at me?"

"Why would I be?" Ryan shrugs. "You don't  _ owe  _ me anythin'. Besides, I kinda get why."

"Really?"

"It's not exactly the same, but it's like… When I moved out here, the best feelin' in the world was when I met someone new, and they only knew me as Ryan. They couldn't fuck up my name 'cause they didn't know any other for me," Ryan looks him in the eye. "I guess it's a little like that? Someone only knows you as Calum, and they like you for being yourself?"

Calum nods, looking a little starstruck. "Yeah."

Ryan smiles. "There's no shame in wantin' genuine connection," Ryan says. "'Specially when you're "pseudo-famous" or whatever it is."

Calum grins, looking like he has stars in his eyes, and Ryan swears they can see some tears beading at the corner of his eyes before he hugs them.

"You are one of the best people I've ever met," Calum whispers into their shoulder.

Ryan feels tears prick at the corner of their eyes. "You are, too, Cal," they whisper into the crook of his neck.

They ignore the shiver that wracks Calum- he's got to be cold after sweating so much onstage.

"Calum!" A voice cries as they open the door. "The Q&A is over, bro, why the fuck-"

Ryan and Calum quickly move apart. The dark-haired guitarist from earlier stands in the doorway, the two blondes peeking over his shoulders.

"Oh-ho-ho!" The guitarist smirks. "What do  _ we  _ have here!"

"Oi!" Calum huffs and chucks a pillow from the couch at him. "Fuck off, Michael!"

Michael bats away the pillow with a squawk, the tallest boy behind him snickering. 

"So violent, Calum," Michael huffs, fully entering the room and collapsing onto the couch opposite him and Ryan. "And in front of your lady friend, no less."

The two blonde boys walk in after him, the tallest one shoving over Michael's legs to sit on the couch, while the drummer sits in an armchair.

Calum looks like he's about to explode, and Ryan just sinks back into the couch.

"Ryan uses they and them pronouns,  _ Michael _ ," Calum hisses. "So shut the fuck up."

Michael cringes. "Fuck, sorry, dude."

Ryan shrugs. "You didn't know."

"Ooo!" The tall blonde exclaims. "Your accent's really nice."

"Definitely not Californian," the drummer grumbles. He looks like he's eaten a lemon, his face nearly entirely scrunched up.

"Nah, I'm from Nashville," Ryan replies. "Moved here for college."

"Ryan goes to UC Berkeley," Calum remarks, sounding a bit proud.

"How the fuck did he convince you to hang out?" Michael snorts.

Calum's jaw drops as the blondes snicker. 

"I'm just saying, Cal," Michael replies. "They're practically an Ivy League kid, and they chose to hang out with  _ you _ ?" He leans forward, looking at Ryan with false concern. "Tell me,  _ did  _ he pay you? This is a safe space, you can trust us."

Ryan snorts. "No, he didn't, thanks. Might need to get paid to hang out with you three, though."

The tall blonde laughs brightly. He cups his hands around his mouth to direct his words at Michael. "Oh! Fuckin' roasted!"

"Shut up, Luke," Michael huffs as he pushes Luke's shoulder, looking incredibly pleased.  


"I like you, Ryan from Nashville," Luke says instead of following Michael's instruction. "I'm Luke."

Ryan just smiles.

Calum looks over pointedly at the grumpy blonde.

"I'm Ashton," he says, momentarily looking friendly until he returns to his sour glare at nothing.

"Well, I should probably get them back to their friends," Calum says, standing up. "C'mon."

Ryan accepts his hand, and they walk out of the dressing room hand in hand.

"I'm sorry about them," Calum sighs. "They can be… a little much."

Ryan snorts. "A little, yeah."

"I hope you like the concert, though," Calum says, stopping at a door that reads "LOBBY."

"I liked soundcheck a lot," Ryan says. "So I think the actual thing will be pretty amazin'." 

"Really?!" Calum squeaks. "You liked soundcheck?"

"Yeah," Ryan says with a nod. "I mean, the bassist has got a killer voice."

Calum blushes. 

"The others ain't too bad, but the  _ bassist _ ," Ryan whistles a bit. " _ Man _ ."

Calum smiles and blushes harder before covering his face with his hands.

"You're not used to compliments, are you," Ryan comments.

"Not from someone like you," Calum replies from behind his hands. He sighs, dropping his hands. "I should let you go."

Blinking at the subject change, Ryan nods. "I'll see you later?"

Calum smiles softly and nods.

And Ryan pushes the door and out into the lobby.

* * *

The concert goes  _ fucking fantastically _ .

Calum is practically vibrating, feeding off the fact that Ryan is seeing him in his element- seeing him at his most confident, most suave (dare he say hottest)- and Michael smirks at him the whole show.

He dances over at one point, yanking out one of Calum's in-ears to yell into his ear. "You're an attention whore!"

Calum just laughs brightly. 

Yeah, he kinda is.

Ashton seems to have gotten over his sour mood once the four of them bound off stage.

"Dude!" Ashton cries, slamming his back. "That was a fucking  _ great  _ show!"

Calum grins, breathing a little hard. The band is quickly helped out of their in-ears, and Ashton shakes his hair out of the bun.

The sight makes Calum's mouth go a bit dry, and he immediately kicks himself mentally.

_ You need to get the  _ fuck _ over Ashton _ , he mentally scolds himself.

Zop interrupts the mental lecture he was about to give himself, smirking a bit.

"Backstage kids are here," he says, mostly directing it at Calum.

Michael groans. "Ha, ha, ha, Zop. We don't even  _ have  _ backstage passes for this show."

"Well, about that…" Calum says, scratching the back of his head.

Michael groans. "How horny are you for this kid?!"

Calum feels himself blush. "I'm not  _ horny  _ for them, Michael, fuck off! I didn't know if I'd be able to talk to Ryan before the show." He shrugs, crossing his arms. "Their friend's a big fan, too."

Michael snorts. "Ahhh. You're not _horny_ , Calum-"

" _Thank you_."

"-you're  _ whipped _ ."

"Michael!"

* * *

They meet Ryan, Patch, and Mara (who introduces herself immediately) in the corner of the backstage area.

Michael is excitedly enthusing with Patch about their jacket and makeup, while Luke and Ashton are humoring Mara as she babbles excitedly about the concert and them.

Calum and Ryan are separated from the chatter of their friends.

"So…" Calum starts awkwardly. "What'd you think of the show?"

Ryan shrugs. "Eh. They were alright."

Calum feels himself deflate a little. "Just alright?"

"Pretty convinced you're just a boy band," Ryan continues, nodding. "Four gorgeous boys,  _ and _ they all sing? Got to be some- oh god, I don't sound like I'm jokin', do I?"

"Not really," Calum chuckles. "You really weren't kidding about that tone thing."  


Ryan cringes. "I wish I was. You guys were really good, I swear."

Calum grins.

"Sorry about how tone-deaf I am," Ryan continues. "Well, talking tone, not music tone."

Calum smiles. "I was just worried you'd changed your mind and decided you  _ were  _ mad at me."

"That would never happen," Ryan replies, sincerity seeping into their voice.

Calum felt himself blush- which, Jesus, he's never blushed as much as he has around Ryan. 

Is it wrong to say he kinda likes it?

From Ryan's grin, they clearly do.

"You were my favorite part," Ryan says.

Calum gulps. "Really?"

Ryan nods. "You've got so much energy, dude; it's like watchin' a fuckin' live wire."

Calum ducks his head bashfully. 

"You clearly love it," Ryan continues. "Like, Luke, Ash, and Mike do, but you just like, exude it."

Calum grins.

Ryan sighs. "Man, I wish I had the guts to perform."

Calum tilts his head. Ryan sighs.

"Patch keeps tryin' to loop me, Ellie, and Haz into a band," Ryan explains. "I keep tellin' them that I'd choke if I ever tried to sing in front of anyone other than my showerhead," they shrug, "but it don't mean that I wouldn't love to be able to perform like that."

"I'm sure you're better than you think," Calum replies. "I mean, I was terrified the first time I did a cover with Luke."

Ryan frowns a bit.

"We recorded covers on youtube for a while- me, Luke, and Michael," Calum elaborates. "Ashton came along when we had a gig and no drummer."

Ryan snickers. "Maybe I should go find those, then."

Calum groans. "Please don't."

Ryan smiles. "No promises, babe."

Calum felt his heart do several backflips in his chest at the pet name, but Ryan miraculously didn't notice.

"Alright, kids," Zop says. "We've got bus call in a half-hour, so the guys have got to go."

Mara pouts while Patch grins as they bode Michael farewell.

Ryan pulls Calum into a hug. 

"Text me, a'right?" Ryan murmurs as they stand on their tiptoes to reach his shoulders. "I might not respond, but that's just 'cause I can't figure out how to send whatever I typed."

Calum laughs, squeezing them back for a couple of moments.

He's loath to let go, but Michael and Luke will make fun of him enough as it is.

Ryan grins as they, Patch, and Mara are escorted back to the lobby.  Michael and Luke immediately start tearing into him as soon as they're out of earshot, and Ashton looks sour again.

Calum smiles to himself helplessly, merely waving his hand at Michael and Luke's taunts. 

This was the best day of his life; he can smile as cheesily as he wants, he doesn't give a fuck.


	2. 5 September, 2015 - 25 December, 2016

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ryan is not dating Calum Hood. (Though they really wish they were.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 'tis I! The Human Shitpost! 
> 
> I actually was trying to write them in Bali but then I found out that they went to Bali in _2015_ , not 2016. Oh, well, have Christmas with the Hoods instead!
> 
> Also! i lied about the "no smut" thing, there's some light frottage, dirty talk, and discussion of porn at the end of this chapter. If you'd like to skip the actual frottage/dirty talk, stop reading at the line " _They look at his hair and, thinking back_..." and skip to " _They both sit against the headboard_..."  
> The tags have been updated as such, as has the rating!
> 
> Enjoy.
> 
> (also: fun fact- i cannot spell ceiling. I always spell it "cieling.")

**5 SEPTEMBER 2015**

“I still can’t believe you’re dating _the_ Calum Hood,” Mara says with a pout as she and Patch help Ryan pack.

“We’re not _datin’_ , Mara,” Ryan huffs.

“I dunno,” Patch says. “He’s taking you on a partial stay-cation to San Francisco, in which you will be staying in a _hotel_ together. Sounds like partner shit, if you ask me.”

“Shut up,” Ryan replies.

Okay, so yeah, Calum’s taking them for a 3 day-long stay in San Francisco for “no reason in particular, maybe a late birthday celebration” (Calum’s exact words), which would sound incredibly couple-y if Calum had any modicum of interest in them.

Which he doesn’t.

Patch looks amused at their response, simply packing another t-shirt.

Ryan is _not_ dating Calum Hood.

(though they really wish they were)

Michael laughs his ass off as soon as Calum announces his plans for their week off.

“Shut the fuck up, Michael,” he hisses, slamming a pillow in his friend’s face.

Michael sputters before laughing more. “Sorry, sorry,” He says, not sounding sorry at all. “It’s just- You’re staying in a _hotel_ with them? For _‘no reason’_?”

“It’s not like that,” Calum replies, cringing slightly at how whiny he sounds. “Their birthday-”

Michael waves a hand. “What else is it supposed to ‘be like’?” Michael asks. “Sounds like you’re trying to fuck them, and they’re down for said fucking.”

“It’s not _like_ that!” Calum screeches. “Ashton!”

Ashton groans from his spot on the armchair. “Please do not involve me.”

Calum huffs. “Ugh, you’re no help.”

“Just admit it, dude,” Michael says, swinging an arm over Calum’s shoulder. “That’s some couple shit right there.”

“I wish it was!” Calum shouts, throwing his hands up. “They don’t like me like that!”

Silence settles over the three boys.

“Dude,” Michael says quietly. “You’re an idiot.”

“No, I am not,” Calum pouts. “They don’t like me like that, never will.”

Michael shakes his head. “Just be safe, alright? Use a condom, that shit.”

Calum throws another pillow at him.

The first thing he and Ryan do after they drop off their bags the next day is run down to the beach.

He picked the hotel specifically for its location- close to the beach and near the BART- which could get them anywhere Ryan wanted to go.

He knew that Ryan still hadn’t explored much of San Francisco, and he wanted to be able to pay for them to see the sights without them feeling like they owed him.

Ryan had their hair in two french braids, a bit longer than the last time he had seen them in person.

The wind whipped sharply, pulling at their hair and clothes as they stumbled down the beach, laughing.

Ryan ran in front of them, their braids whipping behind them, threatening to unravel.

Ryan skidded to a stop just above where the sand shifted in texture, signaling where high tide was earlier that day. “Here.”

They shook out a towel, sitting on the sand and looking out to the horizon, the sun drooping in preparation to set. 

“I’ve never seen a sunset,” Ryan murmurs. “Not in San Francisco, that is.”

“Really?” 

Ryan just nods. “I’ve heard West Coast sunsets look pretty gorgeous.”

“So have I,” Calum replies.

Ryan leans into him as the wind picks up, tucking their knees to their chest. 

He wraps an arm around their shoulders as the sun begins setting, casting beautiful colors over the horizon.

He glances down at Ryan, their face painted in pinks, purples, and oranges, and thinks, _fuck._

_I’ve got to write about this._

* * *

**11 OCTOBER 2015**

Calum’s leg is jumping underneath the desk where his computer sits open. He’s got a guitar in his lap, and he’d practiced the chords with a highly amused Michael a few days before.

Ryan accepts the facetime, squinting at the screen. They jump slightly. “Oh, it worked!”

Calum giggles. 

“Patch made me get a laptop,” Ryan huffs. “Said I should’ve gotten one ages ago.”

“How did you go through nearly an entire semester without a computer?” Calum asks.

“I used the library computer.”

Calum snorts. 

“So, what did you wanna show me?” Ryan asks, bringing their legs to their chest.

Resisting the urge to call them cute, he picked up the guitar slightly. “I, uh, wrote something, and I wanted to show it to you.”

Ryan raises their eyebrows. 

“I’ll just, um,” Calum inhales deeply, then starts strumming the chords of “San Francisco.”

He’ll sing it as he originally intended when Michael had smirked knowingly at the words back in August. They had edited a couple of the lines for the album just so it wouldn’t be so obvious.

“ _I can still hear you, like it was yesterday, making plans to rule the world, you were more than I deserve. I see you, running in the sand, you hate that your hair blows in the wind, I never thought that it would end._ ”

Ryan looks shell-shocked as he sings. 

“ _Leaves fall from the tallest trees, even mountains crumble into the seas. Holding onto memories, and I can’t let go. I wanna get back to where we started,”_ His voice threatens to crack as he launches into the chorus. “ _To the summer night, you know, you know, you know we got it right. Yeah, I wanna get back to San Francisco, to the firelight, you know, you know, you know we had it right.”_ He plays one final chord after that, like Michael had shown him, and swallows nervously.

“Wow,” Ryan murmurs. “That’s… It’s amazin’, Cal.”

Calum smiles, ducking his head as he sets the guitar down.

“Is-” Ryan swings their legs down, so they’re sitting normally. “Is it about anyone in particular?”

“I feel like it’s pretty obviously about you,” Calum chuckles awkwardly.

Ryan gasps a bit. “Oh!” Their eyebrows shoot up.

“Wait, did you not-”

“No, I thought it was someone else you had met in San Francisco,” Ryan says nervously.

“I only met _you_!”

“You met Patch, too!”

“Patch has a girlfriend, Ryan!”

“Yes, I know, but-” They sigh. “I thought you didn’t like me like that,” they confess.

“I thought _you_ didn’t like me like that,” Calum squeaks. 

They stare at each other for a beat.

“We’re both pretty stupid, huh.”

Ryan snorts. “Nah, it’s just you.”

“What?! Why?”

“Why wouldn’t I like you?” Ryan asks.

“Why wouldn’t _I_ like _you_?” Calum shoots back.

“Because you’re out of my league,” Ryan replies smoothly. “You’re fuckin’ gorgeous, Cal.”

Calum felt a blush burn hot across his cheeks. “No ‘m not,” he mumbles.

“I promise to drop-kick anyone who has ever told you you’re anythin’ other than absolutely beautiful,” Ryan huffs. “Includin’ yourself, don’t test me.”

Calum giggles. “Please don’t drop-kick me.”

Ryan sighs. “I ‘spose I won’t.”

They stare at each other for a couple moments. 

“We should meet up soon,” Calum says. “When’re you free from school?”

“I should be free for winter break,” Ryan replies. “I’ll text you, a’right?”

Calum nods.

“Great, talk to you later, babe,” Ryan says with a grin before ending the call.

Butterflies flutter helplessly in Calum’s stomach. He leans back in his chair with a dreamy-sounding sigh.

“Did they just call you _babe_?”

Calum jumps as he spins around to find Ashton peeking through the door of his room. 

“Um. Hi, Ash.”

“Hi,” Ashton replies curtly. “You didn’t answer my question.”

“Uh, yeah?” Calum looks at his computer. “Yeah, they did.”

“So, you guys are… dating now?”

Ashton sounded nervous for some reason.

“Not officially,” Calum replies. “I want to see them in person, ask them out properly and not just over FaceTime.”

Ashton nods. “Cool.”

Calum sighs dreamily again. “They _like_ me, Ash. They think I’m _gorgeous._ ”

Ashton snorts. “Why is that so noteworthy?”

“I didn’t think they would like me,” Calum admits.

“Why wouldn’t they?”

Calum shrugs. “I’m not… Special, like you guys. I don’t have a great voice like Luke, I’m not outgoing like you or Michael, and I’m definitely nowhere near as attractive as you.” He blushes a bit. “No homo.”

Ashton scoffs a bit. “Cal, you’re all of those things. You’ve got a killer voice, you’re handsome, and you’re great to have conversations with. You’re an _amazing_ person, why would they not like you?”

Calum shrugs again. “I didn’t want to let myself hope.”

Ashton sighs. “Let me know when you want to meet up with Ryan,” he says. “I’ll be sure to get you off the hook for any sessions or meetings.”

“Thanks, Ash,” Calum grins.

Ashton nods stiffly and turns to walk out the door.

“Hey, Ash?”

Ashton stops and turns back. 

“Are you alright, man? You’ve been… In a _mood_ every time I’ve seen you for the past, like, _month_. Is something wrong?”

Ashton scoffs a bit. “It’s nothing. Don’t worry, Calum.”

Before Calum can snark back that something is _clearly_ wrong and he doesn’t need to be such an ass about it, Ashton stalks out of the room, closing the door in a near-slam.

Ryan admits a week later that they’re being flown back home by their grandparents for Christmas. They offer to meet him somewhere in Nashville or come back early and meet him in LA.

“Go be with your family,” Calum replies easily. “I know you miss them, Ry.”

So Christmas break is a bust. 

This means they won’t be able to see each other again until the California shows of _Sounds Live Feels Live_ , which won’t be until the second of September.

They have to wait an entire _year_ to be able to see each other in person.

They steadfastly ignore their pseudo-romantic relationship with an unspoken agreement to not label anything until they’ve seen each other again.

Calum tries to not count the days, attempting to enjoy Bali.

(he fails)

* * *

**2 SEPTEMBER 2016**

Calum spends the entire day vibrating with excitement. The guys have noticed, and while Michael and Luke poke fun at him, Ashton merely sulks.

The show goes off spectacularly, and Michael rarely makes fun of him for fruitlessly searching for Ryan in the crowd.

Then they’re gathering around to sing San Francisco.

He grins. He’s sure that Ryan hasn’t listened to the album, so this will be the first time they hear it in its finished form, and he can’t wait.

Their acoustic version is a bit rocky in places, but the rest of the concert goes smoothly.

The four of them bound off stage, Calum with a more vigorous burst of energy than the others.

“Calum?” Zoe asks.

“Yeah?” Calum asks, feeling like a pretzel as he wiggled his way out of his in-ears.

“Ryan’s in the dressing room.”

“Already?” Calum asks. 

“The concert just ended,” Michael snorts.

“They’ve been in there since… oh, after the end of San Francisco, I think?” Zoe shrugs. “They were out in the lobby, said it got too loud.”

Calum frowns in concern, immediately heading for the dressing room.

Inside, Ryan was lying on the couch, large headphones on their ears and shiny tracks on their cheeks.

“Ry?” He asks softly.

Ryan cracks an eye open, immediately grinning at him. “Calum!” They say, removing their headphones. “Hey, you did great.” Their voice is thick like they still have a lump in their throat.

Calum smiles softly. “Thanks.”

He sits down next to them.

“Are you okay?” Calum asks. “Zoe said you were hanging out in the lobby after _San Francisco_.”

Ryan laughs softly. “Yeah. Just, um. Got really loud. I wanted to hear that one, though. Held out just for you.”

Calum giggles. “I’m glad you got to hear it.”

“You changed some of the lyrics,” Ryan comments. 

Calum scratches his head. “Yeah. I didn’t want it to be too obvious that it was about you. Michael helped me make it sound more… like it’s about a girl, I guess. The one I sang to you was the original, though.”

Ryan smiles. “Well, I’m honored.”

Calum looks at his lap. “Should we, um.”

“Talk about us?”

“Yeah.”

“Well, I like you,” Ryan leans onto his shoulder. “A lot.”

“I like you a lot, too,” Calum replies. “But. We’re still on tour for another month. We’ve been trying to crank out the third album, but nothing’s been good enough so far, so I don’t know what-”

“Is it bad that I don’t care?” Ryan snorts. “Well, I mean, I care that you’re happy, but I don’t really care where you are.”

Calum blinks at them.

“As in, I don’t mind you being gone a bunch,” Ryan cringes. “Fuckin’ tone bitin’ me in the ass.”

Calum giggles. “I think it’s charming.”

“Uh-huh, sure.”

Calum presses a kiss into the top of their head, still covered by a beanie. “So you really don’t mind being… long-distance, I guess?”

“I don’t,” Ryan admits. “As long as I’m with you, I don’t care.”

Calum feels a blush burn on his face. “You can’t just _say_ that.”

“Fuck yeah I can.”

Calum snorts.

“So I guess I can say _the_ Calum Hood is my boyfriend,” Ryan sighs. “Mara’s gonna hold that one over me forever.”

“‘ _The_ ’ Calum Hood’?” Calum echoes. 

Ryan shrugs. “Mara’s words, not mine.”

Calum snorts. “I’m gonna call you _the_ Ryan Kishimoto everytime.”

Ryan groans. “Oh, god, please no.”

Calum giggles. “I guess I’ll just call you my-” He pauses. “Partner? Significant other?”

“Lover?”

Calum startles out a laugh. “Sure, if you want.”

“Please just stick with partner.”

Calum snickers a bit at their pronunciation of “partner.” Ryan rolls their eyes.

“Do you know of a place we could eat?” Ryan asks. “I brought food.”

They gesture to a backpack-looking thing.

“We can eat here,” Calum replies. “I think the guys went to the bus, anyway.”

Ryan spreads out various foods, all delicious looking. They pull out a tub of fried lumps, opening the lid.

“Is that-?”

“Fried okra!” Ryan cheers. “Told you I’d get you to try it.”

Calum begrudgingly pops a lump into his mouth.

“Mmm,” He says, surprised. It’s not too bad.

“They’re the best,” Ryan says, stuffing a couple into their mouth.

“I wouldn’t say the _best_ ,” Calum replies after he’s swallowed. “But definitely good.”

Ryan’s brilliant grin is payment in full for his trepidation.

They eat in comfortable silence.

Ryan huffs before ripping off their beanie. “Why is it so fuckin’ hot in Califorina,” They grouse, shaking out their _short_ hair.

“Ry,” He gasps. “Your hair.”

“Whoops,” Ryan cringes. “It was ‘sposed to be a surprise.”

He pushes aside the food to scoot closer to Ryan. He holds out his hands. “May I?”

“You wanna… touch my hair?”

Calum nods. 

Ryan shrugs. “Whatever, weirdo.”

Calum grins before combing his fingers gently through short chocolate brown waves, soft-looking and even softer to the touch.

Ryan sighs, smiling softly as their eyes start to droop shut.

“Whoops,” Calum giggles. “Didn’t mean to make you sleepy.”

Ryan snorts. “Uh-huh. Sure.”

They just stare at each other for a couple moments.

“Can I… touch _your_ hair?” Ryan asks.

Calum nods and giggles at Ryan’s haste to set their food down as he leans down slightly. They pet at his curls, shifting and moving random pieces of hair before they scratch gently at the crown of his head.

He involuntarily makes a pleased sound in the back of his throat, so Ryan scratches down his head to the nape of his neck. He shivers at the feeling, his eyelids fluttering as Ryan rubs over the shorter hairs at the nape of his neck.

“Calum,” They whisper. 

“Yeah?” He whispers back, leaning his head up.

“Can I kiss you?”

Calum grins giddily before leaning forward.

Their lips press together gently, a chaste touch. Ryan shifts to take Calum’s bottom lip into their mouth, so he tilts his head to make it a proper kiss. 

Hesitantly, he flicks out his tongue, running it over their bottom lip.

Ryan jumps in surprise, yanking him back by their grip on his hair. A startled moan tumbles past his lips.

“Sorry!” Ryan yelps, releasing his hair. “I’ve never- I don’t-”

“You’re fine,” Calum replies, feeling breathless with a dark blush coloring his cheeks. “Should’ve given you a little warning.”

Ryan smiles. “It was still nice.”

Calum laughs, leaning his head on their shoulder.

“Yeah. It was.”

* * *

**9 DECEMBER 2016**

Once they both have time off, they immediately set up a time to meet again. 

Right now, they’re walking down the streets of Berkeley, headed to the BART. Ryan has their old beanie on, but now their hair hangs out the front, brushing their eyelashes and temples. Both of them are wrapped in large sweaters and jackets, trying to beat the combined chill and breeze. Despite this, Ryan and Calum have their fingers threaded together, holding hands between each other.

Ryan’s sweater is so large it fully covers their linked hands, and they had pulled the end of the sleeve up to Calum’s wrist.

“I’ll keep your hands warm,” Ryan had said with a grin.

Calum forgoes looking around at the grey sky to watch Ryan. They stare at the clouds, looking slightly puzzled.

“You think it will snow?”

Calum shrugs. “I don’t know,” He replies. “Can’t say I’m that familiar with California in the wintertime.”

Ryan snorts. “Well, it didn’t snow last year,” they sigh. “I was hoping to come back to snow when I got back from Tennessee.”

“Are you not going this year?”

Ryan shook their head. “Nah,” They reply. “I wanted to experience Christmas on my own. I’ll probably go back next year, though.”

Calum pauses for a second. “You can spend Christmas with me!” He blurts out, cringing as soon as he says it.

Ryan blinks. “Huh?”

“Well, the guys and I are flying back to Oz for Christmas,” Calum replies. “And my mom’s been asking about you…”

“You’ve talked to your mom about me?” Ryan squeaks. 

“...yeah.”

A bright flush creeps across Ryan’s cheeks, and they quickly pull up their neck gaiter. 

“She’s probably, like, halfway in love with you, Ry,” Calum says, smiling softly. “She’d be happy to have you.”

“We’ve been dating for two months,” Ryan replies, their voice muffled by the gaiter. “Isn’t that a little soon for Christmas together?”

“You don’t have to go,” Calum says. “Patch won’t let you have Christmas alone, I’m sure of it.”

Ryan giggles. “No, they won’t.”

There’s a pause as they continue walking, finally arriving at the BART station. 

“I’ll go with you,” Ryan says once they settle down on a bench, waiting for the red line.

“Really!” Calum exclaims.

“Yes, you weirdo,” Ryan huffs. “But if I get eaten by a giant bug, it’s your fault.”

* * *

**25 DECEMBER 2016**

Ryan _loves_ Calum’s family. Mrs. Hood- or Joy, as she insisted- was an actual angel of a woman, Mr. Hood was fun as hell, and Mali was hilarious.

They had never seen Calum blush as much as he did when the Hoods combined forces to tell childhood story after childhood story.

Ryan had concluded that there was no one cuter than one Calum Hood, and he had definitely ruined them for anyone else.

Because that was inevitable, right? Calum would get bored, move onto the next person- a girl, probably- and that would be that. If they told him the truth- about why they were nervous about kissing- there would be no way Calum would still want to be with them.

Ryan shoved those thoughts into the far back corner of their mind, sloppily packed into a box labeled “Fragile, Not to be Unpacked.”

“Oh, Ryan, dear,” M- _Joy_ says. “How is everything?”

Ryan swallows the food in their mouth. “Absolutely fantastic, ma’am.”

Joy laughs good-naturedly. “Why thank you, Ryan.”

“Calum, why aren’t you as polite as your partner, here?” David chortles, waving his knife a bit. “Maybe we’ll trade you in.”

Calum’s jaw drops, offended. “Daaaad!” He whines.

“It’s not his fault they like me more, Cal,” Ryan snickers, elbowing him lightly.

Calum slumps back into his chair, dramatically placing his hand on his forehead. “I’ve been betrayed by my own blood!”

Ryan giggles.

The meal is truly delicious, a combination of stereotypical “Christmas” foods, as well as some Maōri foods that Ryan isn’t even going to try to butcher, and a single bowl of haggis.

Ryan turns down the haggis.

After dinner, Ryan and Calum are lounging on his childhood bed. 

They had made fun of his collection of pop-punk posters, his walls covered floor-to-ceiling in photos of various angsty-looking white men.

As was usual for their cuddling, Calum’s head was pillowed on their shoulder while Ryan ran their fingers through his hair, gently scratching at his scalp every now and then, eliciting cute hums and sighs from the boy in their arms.

“Y’know, Mali’s gonna cut my hair tomorrow,” he murmurs. “Shave it, actually.”

“What?!” Ryan whines. “I’m gonna miss it.”

Calum giggles, a little sleepily. “‘S getting too long.”

“I think you’d look really good with long hair,” Ryan huffs. 

Calum noses at their neck. “Well, it’s getting cut, so you better make peace with it now.”

Ryan sighs over-dramatically. “Fine.”

They look at his hair and, thinking back to when they officially started dating, gives it an experimental tug.

A low moan tumbles out of Calum’s lips. “Ryan,” He whispers breathily.

“You like it? When I pull your hair?” Ryan asks, truly curious.

Calum whimpers, nodding into their neck. “I- Ryan, wanna-” He cuts himself off, his hips twitching into their hip.

They can feel a hardness there- _he’s hard._

“Oh,” Ryan says dumbly. 

“Is this okay?” Calum whispers. “We can stop, but I just-”

“Shhhh,” Ryan hushes him. “It’s a’right, but you gotta be quiet, baby.”

Calum whines, tucking his face into their neck before rolling his hips against their side.

They settle a hand into his hair again, feeling weirdly powerful and _good_.

Calum’s breath hitches in anticipation, slowing his grind against their side.

Ryan tugs at his hair, harder this time.

Calum moans again, attempting to muffle it into their neck.

“C’mon, baby, you gotta be quiet for me, a’right?” Ryan hums. “Don’t want anyone walkin’ in, do we?”

Calum’s hips twitch hard.

Ryan chuckles, and they’re sort of surprised at how dark and condescending it sounds. “Oh, so you’d _like_ someone to walk in?”

Calum whimpers.

“Hmm,” Ryan hums. “Who would you want to watch you, desperate like this?”

Calum moans. 

“Maybe Michael?” Ryan muses. “Maybe he’d tease you about how whiny you get.”

Calum’s hips are moving faster. 

“What about Luke? Bet he’d call you all sort of sweet names, wouldn’t he, darlin’.”

Calum whimpers at the pet name.

“Or maybe you’d want Ash,” Ryan muses. “All grumpy and dominant. He’d pull your hair like I do, wouldn’t he, baby? Call you a little _slut_ for humping against me.”

Ryan yanks at Calum’s hair. Calum thrusts one last time, shuddering in their grip. Panting against their neck, he slumps into the bed.

“You a’right, Cal?” Ryan asks worriedly, petting over his hair. “Was. Was that too much, I’m sorry, I didn’t-”

“That was perfect,” Calum whispers hoarsely. “Fuck, Ry. Where’d you get that from?”

“Porn,” They reply honestly, causing Calum to giggle helplessly. He prodded at the blankets, shifting them around.

“What’re you doin’?” Ryan asks as Calum shifts the blankets down to the end of the bed.

Calum blinks at them. “I was gonna return the favor.”

Ryan tenses. “Um.”

“If you’re not ready for that, that’s fine,” Calum replies.

“I’m-” Ryan sighs. “I need to tell you somethin’.”

They both sit against the headboard, Calum watching Ryan with worried eyes.

“I think I’m…” Ryan sighs. “Asexual.”

Calum blinks, then swears, tears rising in his eyes. “Fuck. Ryan, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to force you to-”

“No!” Ryan stops him, a touch too loud. “No,” They continue, quieter. “I liked that. I like knowin’ I can make you feel good like that. I just-” Ryan sighs in frustration. “I don’t feel any need to… Do anythin’ like that. Like, I watched porn to try and figure out if I was, and all I learned was that porn is just kinda creepy.”

Calum giggles. “It kinda is.”

“And, I loved doin’ that for you,” Ryan admits. “It made me happy to know I can make you feel good, but I don’t feel. Horny? Like, I’ve masturbated before, but it’s never been…”

“A need?”

“Yeah, I’ve never felt like I… need it.”

Calum nods. “Okay. That’s okay.”

Ryan blinks. “R-really?”

“Yeah, ‘course it is,” Calum replies easily. “We’ll need to discuss boundaries with this kinda stuff, and how deep my, um,” He blushes profusely, “ _kinks_ go, but other than that, we should be good.”

Tears surge up in Ryan’s eyes.

“Whoa, Ry,” Calum breathes, pulling them into his chest. “No, please don’t cry, why are you crying?”

“I thought you’d hate me,” Ryan says into his chest, breath wobbly. “Because my brain doesn’t work how it’s supposed to, and apparently, neither does my body.”

“I don’t care about that stuff,” Calum soothes a hand up and down their back. “They make _you_ you, Ry. I like you _because_ of your weird head stuff, not _despite_ it.”

Ryan wraps their arms around him.

_Jesus fuck, you might be in love with this boy._

They stay in that position until Ryan’s breathing evens out.

“You should probably get cleaned up,” Ryan mumbles. “I doubt cumming in your pants is very comfortable.”

Calum snorts. “It is not.”

They untangle themselves from each other, Calum sneaking off to the bathroom while Ryan lies down on the bed.

And, yeah.

They could get used to this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments give me life!
> 
> Or you could yell at me on tumblr @ [choose-your-emotions](https://choose-your-emotions.tumblr.com/) (or just give me prompts, that's fine too)

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for the love on this series! Comments give me life
> 
> Yell at me on tumblr [@ choose-your-emotions](https://choose-your-emotions.tumblr.com/)!
> 
> Hope you enjoyed!


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